What is clique?

I have forgotten what is a clique already. I miss all the times we spend together, joking here and there. But now, whenever we come together, there is this sudden awkward silence. Why? Is it because from a 12 person clique to 11 and then in the future is? 10 or 1? This clique no longer look the same, no matter how hard I try. There will be still be conflicts and also misunderstandings. And furthermore, this misunderstanding/conflict is so hard to clear amongst us. Why? I miss the past us where we are the usual 12 people. Sighs.I've lost all 10 of them. I no longer know who they are, or is it I have change and have already lost myself.

I'm like a failure, big failure on this Earth. (name) & (name) you have made me realised so much. 
Somebody, please give me a tight slap on my face.

After my chinese tuition today, I realised again, I have no true friends.